Facts vs Story: Creating a Little More Space Inside Your Experience

Why your nervous system shapes what you feel—and how a small shift can change everything

Sometimes what we react to isn’t just what’s happening…

…it’s the meaning our nervous system has learned to attach to it.

There’s what is factually happening in the present moment, and then there’s the story our system creates around it.

And the two can feel almost inseparable.

When the story feels real

Let’s start with a simple example.  One that I often share in my coaching sessions.

It shows how my nervous system can misread situations, and this is one that really helped me recognize the pattern in my own system.

Fact: Steve is making a coffee, and after he’s done stirring his milk in his coffee, he places his spoon in the sink.

That’s it.
A small sound. A simple, everyday moment.

But what happens next can be very different depending on the state of my nervous system.

If I’m already in a bit of activation—maybe I’m stressed, overwhelmed, or my system just doesn’t feel fully settled — my mind can quickly start to create meaning.

And something else happens here too.

When our nervous system is activated in a more survival, sympathetic state, our perception can actually change.

Our hearing can shift.

Sounds can feel sharper, louder… more intense.

So instead of simply hearing a spoon being placed in the sink,
I might hear it as a loud clank—

almost as if he threw it in the sink because he’s upset or mad.

That’s not because it actually happened that way.

It’s because my biology has shifted.

My system is on alert… scanning for cues of danger.

And from that place, my mind begins to build a story.

Story:
What did I do?
Is he upset with me?
Did I do something wrong?

Nothing has been said.
There’s no actual evidence of a problem.

And yet… my body might already feel it.

A tightening.
A sense of unease.
A subtle bracing.

The story begins to take shape.

Now here’s the important part.

If I’m in a more settled, connected state—
that same moment can pass completely differently.

I might not even notice the sound as anything unusual.

Or I might glance over and simply see him…
standing there, making his coffee, maybe even smiling at his cup.

No story.
No meaning added.
Just the moment as it is.

Same event.

Different nervous system state.
Different experience.

This is why understanding your nervous system matters so much.

Because often, it’s not the event itself creating the reaction…

…it’s the state we’re in when the event happens.

When the system feels activated, it looks for meaning.
It tries to make sense of things quickly—often through old patterns.

Not because something is wrong with you.

But because your system is trying to protect you.

The same thing happens at night

This doesn’t just happen during the day.

It often shows up most strongly when we’re trying to sleep.

You lie down…
and your body is already a little alert.

Then a thought comes in:

Fact: I’m awake right now.
Story: Here we go again. I’m not going to sleep. Tomorrow will be terrible.

And just like that…

your body responds.

More alert.
More tense.
More awake.

And just like during the day, your perception can shift here too.

Sounds in the house may feel louder.
More noticeable.
More jarring.

A small noise can feel like something significant.

Your system is on alert… scanning… trying to make sense of what’s happening.

Not because the thought is true—
but because your nervous system recognizes the pattern.

It has learned to associate being awake at night
with frustration, pressure, or worry.

So it prepares.

Again, this isn’t your fault.

It’s your system doing exactly what it was designed to do:

predict, protect, and prepare.

Why this matters

When we don’t realize we’re in a story,
we begin responding to it as if it’s happening right now.

We try to fix it.
We try to control it.
We try to force sleep.

And often… that creates even more activation in the body.

But something begins to shift when we gently notice:

There is a difference between what is happening…
and what my system is adding to it.

Not to dismiss the story.
Not to argue with it.

But simply to see it.

A gentle shift

This work is not about getting rid of your thoughts.

It’s not about convincing yourself of something more positive.

And it’s not about forcing calm.

Instead, it’s about creating a small moment of awareness.

You might ask yourself:

What is actually happening right now?
…and
What am I adding to it?

That’s it.

No pressure to change anything.

Just noticing.

And sometimes… that small bit of space
is enough to begin softening what’s happening inside.

A simple practice you can use anytime

The next time you feel a familiar reaction rise—
during the day or in the middle of the night—you might gently explore:

• What are the facts I can observe right now?
• What is the story my mind or body is creating?
• What sensations do I notice in my body as this is happening?

You don’t need to answer perfectly.

This isn’t a test.

It’s an invitation to become aware.

Bringing this into your nights

If you find yourself awake at night, you might try something like this:

Instead of:

“Why am I still awake? This is a problem.”

You might gently shift to:

“Right now, I’m awake.”
“My mind is telling a story about what this means.”

You might even bring in a little awareness to your surroundings:

• the weight of the blankets
• the feeling of the bed beneath you
• the sounds in the room or outside

Not to force sleep.

But to come back to what is actually here.

Often, it’s the story—and the state underneath it—that keeps the nervous system activated, not just the fact of being awake.

Daytime Support: Tapping when you’re caught in a story

If you notice yourself getting pulled into a story—especially one that feels familiar or intense—you can use tapping as a gentle way to support your system.

You don’t need to do this perfectly.
Just follow along in a way that feels comfortable for you.

Start by tapping on the side of the hand point:

“Even though there’s a story here right now…”
“and my body feels activated…”
“I’m noticing that this is what’s here.”

“Even though this feels really real…”
“and my system is trying to protect me…”
“I’m just noticing what’s happening inside.”

Now move to the eyebrow point:

“There’s a story here…”

Side of the eye:

“My body feels this…”

Under the eye:

“This feels really real…”

Under the nose:

“My system is trying to protect me…”

Chin:

“There’s something familiar about this…”

Collarbone:

“My nervous system is activated…”

Under the arm:

“I can feel this in my body…”

Back to the eyebrow point:

“And maybe this is a story…”

Side of the eye:

“Maybe I don’t have to solve it right now…”

Under the eye:

“Maybe I can just be here…”

Under the nose:

“With what I’m feeling…”

Chin:

“I don’t have to force this to change…”

Collarbone:

“My body can soften in its own time…”

Under the arm:

“One small moment at a time…”

Take a pause.

Just notice what’s here.

Middle of the Night Support: A shorter tapping option

If you’re awake at night, your system may not have the same capacity for a full practice.

This is a softer, simpler version you can do lying in bed, with very little effort.

You might tap gently on the collarbone point, or simply place a hand there.

“Right now… I’m awake…”

“There’s a story here…”

“My body is activated…”

“Maybe I don’t have to solve this…”

“Maybe I can just be here…”

“One moment at a time…”

“In this moment… I’m okay enough…”

“My body can soften in its own time…”

“I don’t have to force sleep…”

No pressure to keep going.
No need to do it perfectly.

Even a few words… a few gentle taps…
can begin to shift how your system feels.

A closing reflection

You don’t have to stop your stories.

You don’t have to get it “right.”

This is simply an invitation to notice…

that there may be more than one layer to what you’re experiencing.

And that awareness—
that gentle curiosity—
is often where regulation, choice, and self-trust begin to return.